Monday, May 02, 2005

What's the difference?

I was reading a comment from my last post, from one of you was getting lucky over the weekend, which led me to the poster's blog, which, I'll repost here in just a second.

The back story to date, is this. Becky (the poster) is a single mom, and her kid was picked up for riding with some other teens who were drinking and driving. Because he (on the blog she calls her kids by their sizes, which I find hilarious), Large suffers the same affliction I do, he was granted the opportunity to spend the evening in the Juvenile lockup. That affliction, as you may have guessed, is a smart fucking mouth. In any case, Becky was wondering if she could be a good male role model. I started my response with this:

My folks split up when I was 5. If you've read Madeline's blog, you know that one of our formative experiences was being hauled downtown by the police.
My mom won the lion's share of custody, but we spent summers with my Dad growing up. It sounds like your situation is different than that. I don't think it matters, though.
I don't know for sure what the important differences are, maybe between being a good man, a good woman, and a good person.
Crap, I'll just go through this whole thing on my blog - it's too long for here...

And will continue, with this:

I've known such incredible strength from the women in my life. My great-grandmother buried her son, before I was born, while my mother was still in high school. For the last 20 or so years of her life, she visited her daughter in a nursing home, every day, often walking the half mile from her home "in town" to do so. The rural plains is COLD in the winter. My grandmother showed me how to ski when she was in her sixties. My mom finally ditched the alcoholic father of my half-brother after he'd essentially bankrupt the family.

Everyone has had hardship in their life. I think if you teach your kids that you love them, no matter what mistakes they make, you're ahead. Accepting the consquences of their actions is the right thing to do, even when those actions have unintended consequences. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with the people around you.

I, personally, believe in telling the truth all the time. I'm not able to do it yet, but I think it's worthwhile. My ex-wife understood this. We had a number of conversations regarding this very issue. My standard example is telling her not to ask me if the pants she was wearing made her ass look fat. I let her know that if she asked me, I was liable to tell her the truth, and I was really dreading the day when I might have to say, "Baby, I don't think it's the pants..."

But I'm getting off track. I don't really think there IS an important difference between being a good man or woman, and a good person. All I hope for with anyone I spend time with is that they tell me the truth and take personal responsibility for the choices they make. I expect less, but that's the standard to which I'm holding myself these days, with varying degrees of success.

So no, Becky, I don't think you have to be a good man to raise a good man.

Anyone else have any thoughts?


At 11:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

where you are getting this much waste of time to write all these shits...

At 11:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"A Whiter Shade of Pale"
by Annie Lennox

At 12:10 PM, Blogger Becky said...

Thank you.


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