Thursday, April 28, 2005

Really, I'm flattered...

but I'm gonna have to pass again on the very generous offers in the comments of the last post to, ummmm, blow me. Besides, I don't think it's fair for Madeline to offer someone else's services. Additionally, I'm not in the kind of relationship that allows me to accept such gracious gifts.

Even more importantly, the idea of a man with my penis in his mouth repels me. As attractive as I'm sure you are (not only does Maddie taste good, she has good taste!), it's just not my thing, really. I know, I know, blah, blah, blah, protest too much, yada, yada, yada, hasn't tried it, etcetera, etcetera. I haven't stuck my cock in a vacuum cleaner either, and I'm sure that's not for me.

Also for the record, and keeping in mind that I haven't seen this kid since he was, what, 12, at BEST? Andy would be the right one. I've no doubt he's grown up to be great lookin'.

But I also have to admit, even if he were a girl, of the same level of attractiveness, I don't think I could get it up for someone so blindly Republican.

And if that makes me less than open-minded, well, I guess that's just too fuckin' bad. I don't have any quarrel with Republicans in general. They're right about some things. Social programs need to be funded to be effective, and I don't always think the democrats do a good job of appropriately costing the programs they believe in.

But "towing the party line" because it's what Rush believes or your parents believe, or you just plain don't like the other candidate (and I think it sucks that America seems to be able to offer only two viable choices), is stupid. And I haven't been able to fuck the stupid since before I started college.

As flamboyantly heterosexual as I am, I'm more rigidly attracted to intelligence. Or unattracted to stupidity is probably more accurate.

And like Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that.

For the anonymous poster who thinks Jefferson sounds like an "arrogant ass," can you please be more specific? Because if you can't, then when you inevitably point out that I can't correctly use punctuation, I'll just assume you mean that I overuse ellipses, when I'm sure I'm committing far more egregious errors. But I'll still reply "I am rubber, you are glue, what you say bounces off me and sticks to YOU!" Which really, isn't much of the enlightened discourse of which I believe we're all probably capable.

Stay tuned! I'm almost certain to solve the problems of both the Middle East and Northern Ireland soon, and when I'm done with that, I'll start working on race and religion here at home...

Now, would someone more qualified than me really GET back to the fucking and stop just teasing me?


At 1:51 PM, Blogger Jefferson said...

It's like a cry in the wilderness . . . this man begs for a hot male mouth! Won't someone please blow him?


Actually, I have so often seen straight boys told that they are close minded, or in denial, because they won't 'fess up to their bi or gay fantasies.

Horseradish! No one is more qualified about your sexuality than you are. You are the expert in what turns you on and what turns you off.

Cherchez les femmes, monsieur!

At 4:17 PM, Blogger Colton said...

Fucks like a wild animal AND funny? No wonder you're so well liked.

As someone supportive of less mainstream lifestyles, it is SUCH a pain in the ass that it is so commonly assumed that I'm just a closet case.

Not that I need anyone's permission to be straight - with a side of female bisexuality - but it's nice to know that just because I have the ass of a man 15 years my junior, not everyone assumes I'm just a piece of meat.

I have feelings! And needs! And why am I starting, in my head, to sound like Ethel Merman?

At 4:34 PM, Blogger Jefferson said...

Just between us boys . . .

You might not want to talk about your ass and Ethel Merman when making the case for your heterosexuality, Mary.

At 4:59 PM, Blogger Colton said...

Oh, sure. Next you'll be telling me I shouldn't be discussing showtunes, Cher, or J.P. Gaultier...

So, the non-hetero have stolen an entire segment of culture that I can't be amused by? What am I left with, then? NASCAR and spittin'? Drinkin' light beer and wearin' "wife spanker" t-shirts?

Just because I choose pussy, exclusively, I can't recognize the greatness of Madonna? Or wax my balls? Next you'll be trying to convince that the savior of the Matrix, Neo is bi. Where will it end?

Next you'll tell me that my beloved ellipses have been appropriated...

At 5:28 PM, Blogger Jefferson said...

Sweet baby, you seem to be what we call "culturally queer": in tune with the trappings of gay life, but quite content in your pussy lickin' titty cuddlin' heterosexuality.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

You go, girl.

At 3:43 PM, Anonymous marcus said...

hey man,

we should get together and watch some porn, have some beers. you up for that sometime?

At 7:55 AM, Blogger Jefferson said...

Yeah, Marcus, good idea.

Just us guys, kickin' back . . .

At 10:52 AM, Blogger Colton said...

I think the only time I ever watched porn with other fellas was at a bachelor party before the strippers arrived.

Marcus, are you trying to seduce me?


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